Deeper

You turn chaos into art...

and I can't stop feeling...

Deeper and Deeper and Deeper

...

Gatsby on My Mind

The Great Gatsby

Written by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Movie staring Robert Redford and Mia Farrow

Costume designer..... 

Ralph Lauren

...

I know! I'm obsessed but I can't help it!!!!

Looking Back

"Just think of me as the pages in your diary"

- Alicia...

Just thought of that quote. I know I'm late but I just learnt of Alicia's homewrecking. Too too bad. Its sad what marriage has become these days. And the media is surely not helping.

But...

not gonna get into that tonight.

What I will get into though, is the idea of keeping a journal.

Maybe its a Pisces thing. I believe that I am a true Pisces: imaginative, sensitive, dreamer, compassionate.....

Lol, let me stop tooting my own horns. We have our flaws too, I just won't list them.

I started keeping a journal at age 10. Started on a boring saturday afternoon. I picked up an old notebook and just wrote. No plans, no agenda, just let the thoughts that were swimming in my head spill out onto the paper. I sat there writing for hours. At a point, i just started writing the conversation I was having with my sister.

"I hope you're not writing what I'm saying" - A

"Yup!" - Me

"Ugh! You are so annoying!" - A

"No I'm not..." -A

Something like that...

(Old School Pic #1: me. probably at age 10... I was so embarrassed when my sis took this pic but now I love it!)

And from there I kept going. I bought my first real diary (lock and key and all!) at a book fair in 5th grade. I absolutely loved it! I wrote all the time. Spilled my heart out. Told all my secrets. Never, ever, ever holding back. I kept it locked and hidden. But of course, it was found on various occasions and read by all sisters at a point (and even by a certain crush!)

Now, I just call it my journal. As I got older, I traded the fancy diaries for plain marble notebooks. The marble notebook made my journals seem less desirable. Meaning, if left it on a table, no one would have the urge to read.

I have a few journal traditions. One of them is signing off with the letters H.I.G.B (how's it gonna be). Cuz I write about fears and hopes and worries and happenings of my daily life. Then, months or years latter when I read back, I am able to answer my H.I.G.B question.

One of my favorite traditions that I love to share with others came from a novel I read when I was 13.

The book was called Memo to Myself When I Have a Teenage Kid by Carol Snyder. Basically a teenager reads her mother's diary. She then makes a list of things she wants to accomplish by a certain age.

With that as my inspiration, 13 I wrote my list of things I wanted to accomplish by 15 (number one on the list was probably to get a bf). I folded that page in my diary and vowed not to read it till my 15th birthday.

And on my 15th b-day, I was so excited to read back. A nice little gift to myself. Then, I made another list for 18. At 18 I made one for 21. And so on...

I decided to share with loved ones and allowed each of my sisters to write their own lists right in my diary. I also made a list for a guy I dated for a long period.

What I love about people I care about writing in my journal is that they completely forget about it. And so... three years later I bring out the list and its always tons of fun reading it out and watching the writer feel proud of their accomplishments and laugh at their fears...

(O.S Pic #2. me. probably age 13 or so. my fave outfit. tank top and skort!)

(O.S Pic #3. me. probably age 10/11ish. denim dress, headband and babysitters club book!)

So... 

Now that I am 23, I am doing one for 25 (my 10 year anniversary!) and I encourage everyone to do one too!

Writing is so therapeutic and reading back is very inspiring! You re-awaken forgotten dreams and goals and you realize that every disappointment is a blessing!

(Semi-O-S Pic #4. me. probably age 19. free spirited. loving life!)

I have been writing since I was 10

13 years later

 8 completely filled up journals

currently writing volume 9

one of the best things I've ever done.

So 

I always encourage people (esp. the young ones) to write!

TFL

You and Me

Me and You

Both us two

Living in a Total Fantasy Land

But when it comes to that four-letter-word-thing

I need something real

'cuz I aint 13 no more...

Looking

You've got to keep looking. Never stop looking cuz you don't know what you might miss...

Paraphrased from a statement by Grace Covington from Vogue Magazine.

Pretty great advice actually. Esp with living in New York. You never know what you might miss if you don't look. So I make sure I look all the time. I'm looking at people; I'm looking at buildings, at cars; I'm looking at the flowers, the waves, the trees, the concrete; I'm looking at the art thats all around me.

About looking at people:

I wish it were ok to stare. I mean... you know when you find someone staring at you and they immediately take their eyes away. quickly look in a different direction as though they were never really looking; as though their eyes were fixed on the billboard add right behind you the whole time...

I do wonder what goes one through people's heads when they stare at me. I guess I'll never know but I do know that sometimes I just can't stop staring at certain people.

Ex:

It was late and I just got on the train. It was going to be a very long ride all the way to 14th street where I would have to transfer trains (I hate transferring). I had just added some really beautiful music on my ipod and I was ready for the sweetest escape on the train. The plan was for me and my new music to escape into another world where there was nothing else around. No sketchy man talking to himself; no tattooed up couple making out; no confused lady asking everyone where the train was heading... nope just me and my music. I was going to get on a Strawberry Swing with Coldplay; have my heart melted to stone with Adele;  realize that Love is My Disease with Alicia Keys. I was going places.

And then... he walks in and sits right in front of me. This was a really beautiful man. Eyes, bone structure posture, style, skin.

I mean I didn't care to talk to him.

Just wanted to look

Kinda like seeing a beautiful painting

You just look

Amazed...

So whether it is looking at people, objects, places, events

whatever it is,

Just make sure you don't stop

Don't walk with your head down

Don't stare into space

Be at the present moment

And just look...

What I Want

I want to run

and cry

and laugh

and

fall

and fall

and fall

And I hear your words that I made up

You say my name like there could be an us

I best tidy my head

Cuz I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love...

...You've burnt my heat to stone...

** I always wanted to touch the sky...**